Until recently though, I couldn't understand how she doesn't just breakdown and cry every time I ask her sth about her, honestly, fucked up father. I find my conversations with her extremely valuable. This is because she processed some things that she now sees me processing. I am lucky to have a very good friend who is basically my therapist - she has been through a very difficult situation with her own family and can therefore understand my struggles exceptionally well. As many of you I have and probably will always wonder how much more I could have had in my life, had my childhood been different and it wouldn't have taken me until I was 30 to realise the control I was under. I have finally learned to distance myself from my family, realising they are the problem, not I. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, regrets, anger, but also healing and validation.
I read many books that have been recommended here and was triggered by a lot of your posts. Over the past two years since my realisation of family toxicity I have been grieving and getting over my family of nMom, eDad and sth-in-between-Brother. If you were a good mother you would have been the one that introduced me to safe sex and birth control and wouldn't be so shocked and disappointed. She was holding up a cigarette at the very moment and was furious. Terrible mix of guilt and helplessness.īut I think this was the first time my gut feeling took over and I remember saying back to her that maybe she should read about how many people are killed by smoking every year.
This was way before I ever realised she is a narc (I was 21, now 30) and was still completely under her influence and control, but I remember being so torn between knowing I did nothing wrong (I went to my doctor for this, not the black market!) and her telling me how much I disappointed her. I still can't believe her mad reasoning.įollowed by: "I was just reading." (god knows what she reads) "a girl died from taking birth control, this is not a joke." "What will you be on at 30 if you're taking this now!" She said it as if birth control was a gateway to heroin. Nmom after finding birth control pills in my room (if I was ever in denial about her snooping around my room, this definitely confirmed i had no privacy in the house):
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